Eliza Fayle – Moving beyond the breaking point (Real People, Real Life Change)

This is the second guest post in a regular feature to showcase the incredible life change that is taking place in the lives of the readers of this site. Today we are hearing from Eliza Fayle, who has an awesome story to share.  Over to Fayle…

“At some point during our lives every single individual reaches breaking point, the point in time where they know that something just has to change.” Mark Bowness

A truer statement has never been made! My breaking point came when I sat straight up in bed from a dead sleep knowing my partner was with another woman. When confronted, he did not deny it. One of the serious disadvantages of living with a psychic is you cannot hide anything.

That was the breaking point. That was not when the change occurred. The breaking point happens to us; moving beyond the breaking is an entirely different matter. It requires us to take action for change to happen.

Holy crumpets, I fought taking action to bring about that much needed change. Even though I had known for a long time our relationship was toxic, I clung to it. I begged. I cajoled. I negotiated. I yelled. I cried. I even threw things. It was not pretty, and I hated my behaviours.

But, hating my behaviours was far safer than changing, because changing meant something far worse.

Facing my fears.

Fear that I could not possibly survive financially on my own. Fear that I was not desirable. Fear that I would be alone for the rest of my life.

There is, however, no turning back from a breaking point. I believe a breaking point is actually a shift in required effort. In my case, prior to that fateful night, it required less effort to stay in the toxic relationship than face my fears. However, post that fateful night, it required far more effort to stay in the relationship than to face my fears. So, at the age of forty-two, having never lived on my own, I moved into a beautiful 1930s apartment and got to work on those fears.

Over the course of a year, I came to realize that I could survive financially on my own; better actually, because I had complete control of my money. In fact I was desirable, as a friend and a lover. That I would never be alone for the rest of my life, because I had me, and I really liked me.

One night I sat up straight in my bed from a dead sleep. Only this time I had a wonderful knowing. I knew that I was perfectly happy being single for the rest of my life. I grabbed my journal and wrote a detailed list of all the traits a life partner must have in order for me to even consider him. There would be no settling.

I then went about my business enjoying each day as it came to me. I did not think about my list once, nor concern myself if someone would match my list. A match for my list was, in fact, a moot point. I truly was happy being single for the rest of my life.

Having set aside any and all concerns regarding a life partner, the Universe—as it is wont to do—promptly provided. In bounced a man who met every single criteria on my list including the optional extras. Five years later, we are as happy as ever.

My Top Three Tips for Break Up Survival

Feel your fears. I mean really feel your fears. I believe the number one reason we resist change is because we never allow ourselves to experience fear. As soon as we get a whiff of fear, we skitter backwards. However, the only way we can move through fear is to experience it. Wallow in it. Nash your teeth. Weep and wail. Pull at your hair. Break a plate if you have to (trust me, it is very satisfying). It feels really super gross, but I promise you, you will survive it and come out refreshed on the other side.

Take time for yourself. Do not, I repeat, do not rush into dating. Not even coffee dates. You are raw. Pamper yourself. Take long hot baths. Get a massage. Go for walks. Curl up with a box of chocolate and a good book. Write copious notes in a journal. Go through boxes of Kleenex as you cleanse with tears. Go to restaurants and movies alone. The whole point is you need time to figure out who you are. Chances are you have never really done this. Now is the time.

Follow your inner guidance. Once you have figured out who you are, make all decisions based on inner guidance. You now have an inner GPS. Actually, you have always had it. It is called your intuition. But now you are truly ready to partner with it. Not just in extreme cases, like walking down a dark alley and getting the heebie geebies. All the time. Day in, day out, minute in, minute out, for all decisions.

Follow these three tips and you will not only survive a break up, you will thrive.

I started with a quote from Mark, so it seems appropriate to end with one.

“Life is pretty fuckin’ good, isn’t it?”

Yes, Mark, having moved beyond the breaking point, it certainly is.

Eliza Fayle is an international intuitive mentor and psychic. She believes that all women over forty are fun, sexy, intelligent and real. Through Silver & Grace she offers a wide range of products and services to enhance those qualities.